Questions
by Lady Merlin
Summary: Ranting and wondering. Inspired by Frosted Hearts by Invader Sahfab story ppl BxN fluff and kisses. not too intense but sweet. [oneshot]


Ok, reading 'Frosted Hearts' by Invader Sah made me feel sorry, sad and shriveled inside. I suck. Man, her stories are like, wow. They raise my heart rate. Sheesh. I really suck. So here's another sucky attempt. Have fun. Oh yes, I own no one.

Bartimaeus

Stupid humans. Stupid, Stupid humans. (1) Stupid Earth. (2)

You may wonder why. (3) It's because they're so alive. Not as in the 'oh, ha-ha I can breath and you can't! (most of the time, anyway)' type alive, alive as in the sense of emotions and thoughts. Dagnammit. (4) If a normal human being had had these thoughts, he'd have gone out and got his girlfriend, or boyfriend, in rare cases, a bouquet of roses (5) and a box of chocolates and sat down on the couch and shared 'em. (6) (7) But nooo.

I'm a Djinn. He's a mortal. A magician at that. Hah. The other Djinn would KILL me. (8)

In case you haven't figured out by now, (9) I'm talking about him. Nathaniel. If he was good, and honest and even moderately good-looking, I'd understand, having some sort of respect for him. Like Ptolemy. He was one of the BEST master I've ever had. Really. He was good and kind and cared. He was a scholar. Most magicians are politicians. But Nathaniel. He's rude, and he's arrogant, and he's never even nice to me. (10) Besides, he looks like he hasn't been near a pair of scissors in a million years. (11) And his fashion sense stinks. Anyway, here I am. Sitting on the bed. Reading his diary. I know I know. Against the human laws. But like I care...

Either way, I know for a fact that he only started this a few days ago. And since he isn't here tonight... (12) I suppose this urge to know his private feelings has something to do with, it. It, being (dare I say it) liking him... Eurgh. Even saying it in my head scares me... eeew.

Here's what his dairy says;

Dear Diary (13)

I have today noticed (A/N: It gets good here. :D:D) that I have unnecessarily kept Bartimaeus here for so long. This curious action (and the strange concerns that followed) have caused me to start thinking about it, and below is what I've come up with.

I've kept him here so long, a) because I'm terrified he'll spill my name (I doubt it; I kind of trust him) and b) I'd miss him (I doubt that too, though I must admit, his comments have become rather, endearing).

I trust him because a) He's proved himself (a romantic dream) and b) He'd die if he spilled my name (probably, but I don't wanna believe it)

I'm ignoring him because a) I'm mentally deranged (highly possible) and b) I'm shy.

Why the hell should I be shy? Ok, pursuing that. I'm shy because a) I feel like a fool infront of him (VERY true) and b) The very sight of him makes my heart beat faster (I.Am.So.Dead. I need to jump out a window. agh. Kill me now. KILL ME) (14)

So in conclusion (Actually, I think I've just skimmed the surface) I trust him, I think I'd miss him, I think he'd endearing, certain thoughts about him come under the category of romantic, I don't wanna believe the bad stuff, I'm shy, I'm mentally deranged, I feel like a fool infront of him and he makes me excited (well, what other word would YOU use to describe it?). I think there's much more underneath. I can't even begin to describe it.

But if I was an outsider, I'd be very compelled to believe the writer were in love.

Shockingly, I wouldn't have any comments. It's probable... Though the thought scares me... :sigh:

Anyway, moving on (yes, there's more. :rolls eyes:) I feel very. Odd. Around him, I mean. All nervous and stuff. (15) I want to tell him, but I keep thinking that he's just going to laugh at me, be sick, spout my name to his Djinn buddies and laugh summore while watching 'em pummel me. (16)

And more. I was hurt, when I discovered that he'd lied to me. Hurt beyond all compare. Hurt more than when I was told my parents had abandoned me. Hurt more than when Mrs. Underwood died. I was hurt because I'd trusted him. I really had. And maybe because I was a little jealous of the bond between him and Kitty. Stupid, I know. Petty, I agree. But that's life.

And more. You know, when I was ignoring him, there was a reason. It wasn't spite. It was because, well, every time I looked at him, I was distracted. Even if he glared at me, all I felt was warmth. Even if I was doing the most important work in the world, all I got was a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I feel gross. Disgusted. In love.

And some more. You know, when I dismissed him, after the 'frog incident', as I refer to it now, I was stunned. Why should I care? I mean, I should have pushed him a bit. What did it matter to me about him? But slowly as it came, I began realizing, that I did care. I don't know what I would do without him. Honestly. I have nothing else in my life. He's what keeps me going. I do recall, I was planning to summon some Djinn and step out of the pentacle. (17) Until I saw him the next morning. And I knew, that there was NO WAY I would miss out on looking at his face. And I know, I digressed, but I did care. I cared very much. I don't know what I'd have done had I had his death on my hands. Clap me in irons and leave me to hang in the London Tower, but it couldn't have hurt me more than from the inside. (A/N: I hope it's not too confusing; I realise that it's very muddled now. I hope it adds to the effect) and I couldn't care less about my job. I'm an energetic person. I need more than regular people

I think I need to sleep over it. Damn. I'm not even sure about myself anymore. So, anyway. Good-Night.

Nathaniel, a.k.a. John Mandrake. (18)

The damned brainless twit. I could kill him. After all he'd done to me. He loved me too? Just then, the door opened.

Faster than an eye can blink, I had returned his diary to its original place. (19) I plonked myself on his bedside lamp. (20) Nathaniel walked into the

Room, groggy eyed and tired. He glanced in my direction and smiled slightly. "Hi Bartimaeus." I nodded in return. I was deep in thought. I was thinking about what to do.

He just shook his head and brushed his teeth. When he got back, Bartimaeus was still in the same position. Nathaniel knew this was odd. Bartimaeus was normally like a hyperactive child; never able to sit still in a spot for long. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I was jolted out of my plotting by his sweet voice. I shivered. I had to do something. "Nothing Nat." I said, softly. God knows why.

"Come on," he demanded, now more violently. "I know something's wrong."

"Forget it Nat." I said. Something in my voice must have hinted that it was a bad time; he didn't say anything more.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. He had just changed into his night gown (21). He sat down on the bed and yawned. I was still lost in thought. "Barty.

What's wrong." he said, point blank. (22)

I'd had enough. Maybe being honest was the best thing. But I needed a better position. (23) I jumped off and walked to a coffee table. I sat down on top of it. He was either curious, or concerned enough to follow me, despite his tiredness.

He sat down and hugged his knees. (24) "Come on. Tell me what's wrong."

I wasn't getting enough blood to my head, and I was mussed. I growled. Lust was magnified, especially when the object of affection was the first in a few thousand years. I moved to the edge of the table and looked into his eyes. I saw fear, curiosity and shockingly, excitement. (25)

My fingers (I was Ptolemy, BTW) reached out to his pale skin, before I knew what was happening. An electric jolt surged through me; if that tiny contact could do that... Anyway, my hands cupped his chin. I leaned forward, and I think he leaned back, but you forget, he was on a chair. There was only so far one could lean. He was trapped. I had to take this chance. I pressed my lips to his, and cut off his gasp. It was amazing, and that is saying something, for a Djinn of my status, age and experience. There isn't much that impresses us. This did.

I can't honestly say I didn't want to kiss him. I can't honestly say I wanted to stop. But I did. Nat gasped again, as if he couldn't believe it. I was just about to stalk off. He didn't even say anything. I just mumbled.

"What did that mean?" he asked.

"I mumbled because I didn't want you to understand. Remember?"

"No, not that. The, erm, kiss."

"What do you think it meant?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't be asking if I did, would I." (26)

"What did it mean to you?" I asked bitterly. This was not going the way I wanted it to. Life was such a bitch. "It meant something. But obviously it didn't to you." he replied solemnly.

"What?!" I demanded. Before cooling down. Oooh. This meant there was a misunderstanding. Misunderstandings were good. Especially ones like this. I couldn't help it. I looked up. "It did mean something to me. It meant a lot to me."

It was my turn to be surprised. He'd kissed me. I smiled. I could get used to this. I could. It was... nice. Oh, who'm I kidding? It was wonderful. I'm glad I read his diary.

(1) Apparently, this is what my speech had boiled down to. It felt like somehow my vocabulary had been stolen by the rising pressure in my chest.

(2) Now even I was beginning to get annoyed with myself.

(3) Actually, I'm wondering who I'm talking to, but at the present, I couldn't care less.

(4) Finally. Something new. Not much better, but an improvement on stupid.

(5) I'm told this is clichéd but I tend to find roses extremely romantic...

(6) I'm a new age Djinn. You CANNOT expect me to speak like the ancients did. Besides, I'm a being of supreme intellect and oh. On with the story.

(7) Also, you must remember, I can't eat human food.

(8) Technically, it's not possible, but you know what I'm saying. Not that I ever cared for public opinion anyway.

(9) I have long come to accept that you humans are denser than rocks.

(10) Again, my vocabulary stinks. I'm too depressed.

(11) I like to exaggerate. So sue me.

(12) Insert evil laugh.

(13) My goodness. He has sunk to this flippery. Yuck. It's so adorable. AGH. I'm loosing it!

(14) I must admit, my heart (if I had one) would be beating faster too.

(15) This surprised me. Nathaniel hadn't even been nervous of the PM the first time he saw him. Why me? I wouldn't expect it.

(16) I'M INSULTED!

(17) How could he?!?!

(18) The arrogance! How lovable. Yuck. I think I'm gonna be sick.

(19) That's very fast you know...

(20) Us Djinn are very light you know.

(21) Sending shivers up my spine. I mean, how often do you see your crush in a night gown? (A/N: BTW, the credit for this particular statement goes to Invader Sah)

(22) BARTY?!?!?! WTF BARTY?!?!

(23) I mean, I can't kiss him off a bedside lamp, can I??

(24) Wow, he really looked like a kid.

(25) Don't ask me why; I couldn't believe that the diary was for real. It was more probably that he'd planted it and was recording my every move, so as to laugh with his grandchildren about the queer Djinn who liked him.

(26) Oooh brownie points!

Ok, I know. The ending sucked. But I wanted to post it, and I was under pressure from my parents. So enjoy and REVIEW!!! Oh, I'm sorry for similarities to Frosted Hearts by Invader Sah, but I really couldn't think of anything but her story at times. It's awe. It's awe I tell you. Anyway. REVIEWWWWW!!!!!!!


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